"CATES" Pickles

Below are suggested foundations for relationship building and suggested reasons for disruption.

CATES PICKLES

Good pickles Bad pickles

C-Cooperation C- Conflict

A-Acceptance A- Arguments

T-Trust T-Tension

E-Encouragement E- Evasiveness

S-Support S- Seclusion

I use “CATES” as an acronym for characteristics that can contribute to positive relationship building. These characteristics when used, helps to insure a positive connection between partners of any description. When we meet someone for the first time we tend to want to make a positive impression.

We will COOPERATE initially with our partner’s desire to see the movie “Bambie” or go to the "big game" just to be in the company of our new partner.

We will exercise ACCEPTANCE that our new partner may lack certain skills or attributes.

We will TRUST them through their absences focusing only on how much we wish they were with us.

We will ENCOURAGE our new partner’s abilities and skills.

And we will offer SUPPORT to them in whatever activity they are involved all to develop that new relationship we seek.

As this is a human trait. men and women tend to accomplish the same by the same means with a new partner. These of course are not all of the necessary ingredients for a healthy relationship. If, however, these ingredients were always a part of the mixture I would venture to say that continuous positive regard would be a staple of the relationship.

Adapt - a·dapt/əˈdapt/

Verb:

1. Make (something) suitable for a new use or purpose; modify.

2. Become adjusted to new conditions.

The ability to transform your environment to a condition that is more suitable to you

The above "CATES” acronym can express itself in other ways.

One of the unique qualities of humanity is our ability to adapt. It is the ability to transform our environment to a condition that is more suitable to us. When we meet someone new we tend to want to make a good impression. We want to create an environment of “Good Pickles.” Adaptation isn’t always comfortable. That heavy coat we put on when it was cold gets too heavy or the temperature rises and it becomes uncomfortable. We want to be comfortable so we take the coat off. Emotional adaptation is the same way. Sometimes we take off the “Good Pickles” and what emerges are the “Bad Pickles.”

Conflict can generate from a lack of cooperation.

Arguments issue from a failure to accept the other's deficiencies.

Tension generates from lack of trust.

Evasiveness thrives where lack of encouragement flourishes.

Separation and seclusion arises from a lack of support.

DISTRACTION from the Issue

Anger

Disengagement Defiance

Cooperation / Respect

Acceptance / Security

Absence Trust Noncompliance

Encouragement

Support

Argumentativeness Aggression

Sexually acting out

Issue – ish’oo

Noun A point in question or a matter that is in dispute

A matter or dispute, the decision of which is of special or public importance

The issue, those values in the center of the above diagram or the “Good Pickles,” tends to be overshadowed by the activities surrounding the issue or the “Bad Pickles.” Rather than focusing on the surrounding activities, it is helpful to find ways to restore the values encompassed in the issue.

Developed by Ronald Pollard, M. Div.